this year went by so fast. well, a definite two more years of living, then 2012 comes, and hopefully many more years will come.
goodbye 2010, i bid you adieu, 2011, i welcome you with open arms.

hating the history of photography right now.
an online class, that i got to use the book for the midterm, she tells us what to study a half hour ago. the final is tomorrow. and tells us each question is timed.
YAY...

where you’d like to be in 10 years.

in ten years... i'll be 29.
hopefully i will have long luscious, wavy hair, a nice figure.
hopefully i will have finished dentistry school and be working in a office under a good named dentist.
hopefully i will be married to mr. perfect.
hopefully i will have my own white house with yellow shutters and a bright green lawn with a pool in the back near an apple tree.
hopefully i will have the cutest dog baby ever.

day 1 - your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.

I am in a relationship with Matthew.
We do basically everything together and are really happy.

thats clearly just the beginning though. we started dating OFFICIALLY in late march. and we haven't broken up, or gone on any breaks. we completly trust eachother and are pleased with one another.

alsoooo...

30 day challenge!
day 1 - your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
day 2 - where you’d like to be in 10 years.
day 3 - your views on drugs and alcohol.
day 4 - your views on religion.
day 5 - a time you thought about ending your own life.
day 6 - write 30 interesting facts about…

day 7 - your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
day 8 - a moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
day 9 - how you hope your future will be like.
day 10 - discuss your first love and first kiss.
day 11 - put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
day 12 - bullet your whole day.
day 13 - somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
day 14 - your earliest memory.
day 15 - your favorite tumblrs.
day 16 - your views on mainstream music.
day 17 - your highs and lows of this past year.
day 18 - your beliefs.
day 19 - disrespecting your parents.
day 20 - how important you think education is.
day 21 - one of your favorite shows.
day 22 - how have you changed in the past 2 years?
day 23 - give pictures of 5 guys who are famous who you find attractive.
day 24 - your favorite movie and what it’s about.
day 25 - someone who fascinates you and why.
day 26 - what kind of person attracts you.
day 27 - a problem that you have had.
day 28 - something that you miss.
day 29 - goals for the next 30 days.
day 30 - your highs and lows of this month.

December Goals...

1. stick to diet!!!!!
2. go to gym 4 times a week
3. draw, paint, & finish all projects!
4. find an awesome winter wardrobe besides sweats and uggs, that is fashionable, but will still keep me warm throughout the brutal winter...
5. get christmas gifts EARLIER THAN THE WEEK OF CHRISTMAS.

shouldn't be TOO hard... but i'm sure the list will grow...

ah, homework all finished before 3 a.m.
room all clean before Thanksgiving.
leaves almost completely bagged and ready to go.
boyfriend's first meet tomorrow that i HAVE to go to.
Lips friday, new dress and new heels and ready to go.
hair slowly, but kinda quickly getting longer.
Eric coming wednesday.
might be getting a new car within 3 months.
all good grades in all my classes so far.
class schedule picked for next semester.
letters all almost sent out.

life is good.

dear college,
can you let up on the work a little? i'm a little tired.
thank you!
love,
one of your grade A students





my room is a trainwreck again.... and i MUST clean it tomorrow.
i have my online class tomorrow so i get to stay home and cuddle with molly while replying to emails for an hour and a half. so fun!!!

rolling along...

today i have my first day of training as a hostess! woo!

i found it.

i never wanted to hear what i wanted to hear, only if what i wanted to hear was the truth. why is it that some people lie so much? that doesn't make a relationship or friendship. it doesn't make you worthy of anyone else's trust or faith. its just not nice. so why do it? why can't you just tell someone the honest truth so they don't waste their time? why toy with someone? why lie to your best friend because your afrad of the reaction you'll get? at least it would be honest and they would tell you what they think. what if they were okay with it? what if you lied about something awful, would you tell the person? would you keep them hanging on, lingering on their breath to betray them again? what if that person could have been your "superman" saving you from anything that could hurt you, your "soulmate" loving you even past when your heart stops beating and theirs keeps beating for you, your "fred to barney" friendship that even when things are so wrong and ridiculous, you can't help but laugh at the end of the day? what if you let all of that go because you messed up... or a real better word, fucked up.
how would you feel if you lost that person? that person had always been there. they were willing to do anything for you, fight all your battles, kiss all your tears, sweep the dust under the carpet... what if that was the person? how can you know? how will you ever know?
do you fess up, or will they still be hurt? do you keep lying your way into a hole until your caught?

why is it that we hurt the ones we love, and help the ones we don't know? why give up the old and reliable to get the new and unknown? do we want a taste of something new? did old and reliable get boring, but we still can't throw it away just yet?

but on the complete other side of the spectrum, why do we want people who make us feel bad around? why do we let people walk all over us. why do we fight so hard for someone when all they do is push us away.

ah, the mysteries of life.

never, EVER assume anyone has it easy. everyone has some sort of problem now. financial, emotional, physical... who freaking knows.
i hurt my ankle again. WOO. i have to get another job on top on the two i have to pay for a new car and an apartment, because i think it's about time to get out. it's driving me nuts. work, school, eat, nap, work, school, eat, nap, work, school, eat, nap, study in work, work, midterm, school. weekend... clean house, gym, study, homework, go out, nap, gym, relax.
I CAN'T WAIT TILL WINTER BREAK.
AND ENOUGH COMPLAINING LIKE A BRAT. i just needed to rant some!

but today i went to macys too! my aunt sent me a gift card for my birthday.
and on the bright side my hair is lightening AND growing again! super soft.

"you came to me and told me it was over. you assured me you wouldn't need her anymore, but that look upon your face is too familiar, it was long ago but i've been there before. and this song is like a movie, that we might as well pretend, from the moment that the camera closes in just say it one more time with feeling, one more time like you really mean it. the last time you told me that you loved me, i almost believed you."

"It's important to tell the people you love how much you love them while they can hear you."

i just got a 100 on my photography midterm! woooooo... go meeeee!

That's when you came to me and said, "Wish I could prove I love you But does that mean I have to walk on water? When we are older you'll understand it's enough when I say so, and maybe some things are that simple."

i've been thinking so much about the past. my actions and the consequences, and how they reflected on my emotions, making me take more actions with consequences... and so on. but now i know what it is to "think before you speak", because all i do is think about the consequences to everything...
i've been painting this picture... i'll take a pic of it eventually and put it up. i'm way too lazy to right now.
i figured out the tattoo i want! matty is drawing it out, and it looks really pretty.
anything else? hmmm...
currently writing katya's letter! i took a break. it's very emotional.

i went to fright fest tonight. very fun! i was scared the entire time. stupid zombies and their loud can shaker things....

time, time, time... time for nothing.
yesterday i wasted my whole day waiting for my online midterm to be posted. i did the same today... she emailed everyone an hour ago letting us know it was postponed until next week. uh, annoying.
yesterday i wanted to go to the gym, get together my halloween costume, and do so much... but no.
everyone is getting on my nerves lately. it's that time of year! the cold, and that is where my happiness, and heart both decide to disappear until it is beautiful and warm.
i've saved up so much money for christmas presents, they are going to be good this year. i'm excited. i figure i'll give my mom my old ipod... and have it filled so she doesn't bother me about that and get her something else. she hates all my ideas.
and my dad.... who knows! hes so difficult. and matt.... DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THAT ONE.
sheesh, whatever. i'm gonna go play fifa (;

i love my birthday. i share it with so many amazing people.
vanessa at work had her birthday today too. everyone brought in food. we had 2 ice cream cakes, cupcakes, and music. it was so amazingly fun. i made 98 dollars. faaaaaabulousssssssss.
matthew bought me a body pillow and sprayed it with his cologne... it smells so good. then he got me FIFA 11! i was so happy (:
my mommy and dayy bought me doc martens. they are so bad ass. and they are so cool.
my granny gave me 100 dollars.
so this week i have 200 dollars towards car insurance. woooooo.

everything is amazing. i'm so happyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

i'm doing so good in school... but bergen is just high school again. it's annoying and i really do hate it.
i haven't done any of my goals... i'm supposed to be 120 pounds by now. i have not dropped one pound.
yesterday i bought a new ipod... 160 GB! wooo! a classic. it's so pretty<3 and it's already almost full. matt is giving me his music too, but clearly i'm only going to put the stuff i like of his music on there.

my birthday is thursday! i'm so excited. but i'm really not doing anything for it. i might go to lips with a few friends. me and matt were going to go see phoenix, the band not the city, but all the seats are terrible... so we aren't wasting money on that. i feel so old... this is my last year as a teenager! i mean, that sounds insane. you turn 18, and you're considered an adult, but you're still a teenager. at 20, there is no teenager... it's just twenty.

where did you go?

i love autumn. visually, it's my second favorite, summer is my first... no matter what. but camping this weekend took a serious toll on me. i have not slept good in two weeks. something is bothering me, but idk what. i just want to sleep again.

after studying all week, today came, and on test day, i seem to forget everything. so i walk into work with my notebook to study in case it gets slow... i look over all the material and realized, i was familiar with it, and i knew it, but i had NONE memorized!!!! i spent the next 7 hours studying straight... and i think i faired well on the test. i got at least 70 points that i was able to figure out, and got the extra credit. but for the ones i narrowed down the answers on, or the few i guessed on, i must've gotten some of those right... i sure hope! hopefully i made my goal and got at least an 86. please, please, please!
sheesh, anthropology... now we are learning about current day/ past economics.... i hate economics...

but tomorrow i go camping! after logging attendance in the online history of photo class, picking up a mattress, finishing writing an essay, packing matt's car, and going to writing class... sheesh.

so i bought molly this little orange and blue ball... INDESTRUCTIBLE. so it's perfect for her! she broke through a basketball... i have no idea what this girl is doing. her teeth are horrifyingly sharp.

Just saying, I have the nicest boyfriend ever... and I used to hate him. Insane.
Silly me.

i have no idea how i got blessed with the prettiest poodle... personality-wise. she's gorgeous and all... but she doesn't really have a poodle body. she's just a big, husky lovebug, but she's perfect and all mine<3

i'm so happy (:
minus the whole homework thing....

working the morning shift is so much fun. i can't take it. i love my job. we made water-glove breast implants today. probably one of the funniest things ive ever seen.
then after i had a good writing class. my WHOLE paper was perfect so i was done on the first draft... go me.
then of course had to stop at matt's after school to say hello!
now i have finished my homework, and am about to runrunrunrun and do some crazy abworkouts. then take a nice hot shower and clean my room some. ahhhhh.... life<3

and my birthday is in exactly one month from today! soooo excited (: my momma said she would buy me some kickass doc martens.
matthew said he was going to take me somewhere i want to go the night before. but i have no idea where that could be.
and sonic said they would bring a cake in for me and we'll have a party! woooo!
even though i'll have work and my long class on my birthday it'll still be tons of fun.

oh! and my new car... well i didn't get it YET but i probably will have it by march... the 2010 nissan cube! I LOVE IT.

me, oh my.
off to buy some new fab jeans from target!

the weeks go by so slow again. that's how you know it's fall. when you look forward to that one day to sleep in... but you're inner clock will continue to wake you up at 8 a.m., so you get up and start your day.
sheesh. work is so tiring now. school is going by looooovely though. and my relationship could not be any better.

i rearranged my bedroom too. now i have my bed set up near my ps3 so i have easy grand theft auto and netflix watching abilities.

AND MRS. VASA, SOMETIME IN THE NEAR FUTURE, IF YOU CATCH KRISTEN TEXTING... IT'S ME ASKING HER IF YOU'RE THERE... just because i don't want to drive there just to find out they won't let me in because you're not there... hehehehe... and this new rule is really lame about pv.
whateverrrr....


i'm finally letting my real hair color grow out too now. i'm just going to keep it really short until all the black and red is out, then i'm going to grow it nice and long again. now that i know how to maintain it nice and neat. yay!


i can't wait for winter break.

i have no idea what happened to me the other day.
i went in to work, and then called matthew's sister, rachel and dana s to come with me while i chop all my hair off... and i have so much more confidence now. i'm no longer hiding under a mop of hair.
now i feel gutsy and sassy and fun.

and tomorrow is matthew dibendetto's bday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTY<3

"the thought that i could ever make something so beautiful sad, kills me."
:')

anyway, i'm re-reading spirit rebellious... and i still love it. (it's online too! i suggest it... highly!)

and working everyday is killing my ankle.

and coming home really early is very dull right now. i like staying out late at night with friends. but that might just be the fact i hate nighttime and sleeping. wayyyy too spooky.

molly is just too cute running around with her stuffed gorilla squeaky toy.

i went to orientation today. bergen is exactly like i thought it would be. i don't like it at all.
good for me, saving loads of money. but not many schools were that expensive... so now i am stuck here for the next two years. but, they have a photography club, need photographers for the school paper and have a GLBT club. sooooo that's okay... i walked around looking for my classes today, not too fun.

and working everyday isnt great. i don't like my new work/school schedule.
anyway... off to barnes and noble to get a new book and planner!

ta-ta for now!

smack down, face first against the floor.
i fell.

lately i have had nothing to update on. the usual is going on. molly eating socks, me hanging out with dana and matthew, rearranging my room again, dying my hair all different colors, it growing another THREE INCHES SINCE SCHOOL ENDED (woo!), and of course playing video games and going to belmar all the time.

where is my head!?!?!
i have completly forgotten everything i once loved. my sketching, my reading, my running and exercising, my long hikes with molly, apple juice, peaches...
now i just swim and sleep in the sand. no, not at seaside... i don't like it there. i am not interested in being a tan, partying guidette. i just love the beach. it has made me so carefree.... so happy....

my family finally supports my future. they finally support us all going home, south, and me becoming a dentist.
i'm as happy as a clam!

AND THERE HAS BEEN TWO NEW ADDITIONS TO THE MARTIN FAMILY HOUSEHOLD...
two hermit crabs! bill and ted, and besides molly and misty, they are the sunshine to my day.

school got so old so fast... hahaha
i went to long beach island with matthew, and it was gorgeous all week, although i got extremly homesick.... it was tons of fun. but now i have school and work again... i'm just not ready for this yet.

also! going back upstate at the end of the month, then 3 days later school ends... THEN THE NEXT DAY DRIVING TO FLORIDA. helloooooooo, i'm excited.

summer is the most amazing time of the year. i have so much to say, i just want to tell the world, but i can't. i hate keeping my own secrets inside.

and might i add that sleeping in your own bed for the first night in awhile is one of the best feelings. ever.

day one of college down.
i drove there, down the garden state parkway. alone. listening to the crazy men on the radio talking about the "shadiest people they ever met". pulling into the parking lot and paring my big old buick le sabre. trying to take the elevator, but realizing it was broken, so exploring my new school to find the stairs. finally finding the stairs and walking up them, closer and closer to my destination. walking through the "study hall" and looking at all the students... that looked so much older and bigger than me. turning right and looking at all my fellow students waiting to be let in to room 222. listening to one girl yell and whine about her hair being messy and her boyfriend wouldn't sneak into her room last night because he wanted her to have a good first day... but she only wants one thing and invited over her other man. being let in to room 222. meeting aberaham shaban, my new math professor and not understanding one word he said. meeting my new friend megan, who didn't understand anything either. taking notes for an hour and 35 minutes, looking around at the completly white room and wondering how they kept it so clean all the time. getting up at the end and exchanging phone numbers with my new friend. leaving the parking lot and racing home. i just woke up from my lovely hour nap. i'm ready for work now.

but how amazing is this new schedule!
monday and wednesday class 8:30-10:05
tuesday and thursday class 8:30-12:10
monday-wednesday work 4:00-9:00
thursday work 1:00-5:00
amazing, i know. i have three days off completly to do whatever my little heart desires.

and! the best thing eveeeer happened. but i'm not allowed to tell people... which is probably the hardest thing ever???

oh mand graduation parties happened! mine was fun and so was catie's. i met david blane! hehehehe (:

and next week i go to long beach island wednesday and meet up with matt and his family. i'm pretty excited... extremly excited, actually.

my last few hours in the saftey and protection of a high school. from what i hear, after this it's all downhill with responsibilities and work. yikes.

i'm sad, and happy.

i'm floating on a cloud.

it's my weather! it's amazing! 92 degrees! HELLOOOO!!! how could i not be any happier??!?!?

i am so excited for college!
but i'm having so many money problems it's insane... i have no idea what to do anymore. it's all small things adding up...
sheesh.
seems like car insurance will never be paid.

Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
Oh, what are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

the good and the bad of photo II...
we will start with the bad and end on a good note...
- worrying about college for a good 3 months straight.
-never finishing a project on time. (BUT STILL LOVING HOW MOST OF IT TURNED OUT.)

and the good...
-having fun everyday.
- making new friends in photo.
-making fun of "the spot".
- divorcing phil.
- getting into college and everything... AND NOT WORRYING ANYMORE!


overall, i am not going to complain about this year. maybe i didnt apply myself to my potential... sorry vasa. but i had a good year. and i will prooooobably come back a lot next year. SO NO WORRIES!

well that was fuuuuuuuuun.

prom. was. amazing.
i'm really glad i decided to go. and i definatly took the best person ever. i looked, and felt like a million bucks. maybe more. everyone was so pretty! i can't get over it.

and after prom was fun too! i stayed over matthew's and we had a firepit.
the next morning we went upstate... in the middle of NO WHERE, and camped out. it was tons of fun! i got to pee outdoors and everything! ...matty would have loved it...

well! prom is friday... there is going to be tons of bonding with mommy while she helps me get ready.
i'm only getting my hair done... but it's for free because the girl is the daughter of my dad's best friend. i am THINKING of these hair styles... but who knows.
and make up... i wanted a little fancy, but not too much. i don't want red eye shadow because it'll look like i got punched in the eye or something
like that. SO i figured just black and white was the way to go there. but i am so worried. i'm sure i'll look fine. but it's a scarey thing. especially when i hate dancing... i don't know why i'm going anymore
i guess for the "experience" and "memories"
.... cool.





toooooooo much.
i still have to:
set my hair appointment
decide for sure on hair and make up
do my nails
get all my stuff together for this weekend
convert coin change into bills
finish setting up my table
buy shaving cream, lotion, and a few other things

i. am. so. happy.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i went shooting yesterday.
i cleaned my whole house (minus my room) today.

and today is my boyfriend's sister's birthday! and i love her! so i am going to make her a super cupcake suprise.

yesterday! went to point pleasant with catie and rachel. it was tons of fun. of course.

but i got completly burnt, not as bad as bamboozle... but it was preeeeetty bad...
i hope i'm better before prom... being a lobster in a red dress is not that cool... i need this to turn into a tan.

this week had to be the best week ever.
tuesday i asked matthew to prom... after he got his tux of course! that way he can't reject me! muahahahha!
i drew all over his car, and then decorated the inside.. then i went home to order new skates.
he was ignoring me and i thought he hadn't seen it yet because he said he was out buying something with our friend catie.
i came out to go to walgreens a half hour later and there were so many yeses on my car... took so long to clean. but i think it was cute and really fun.
AND ABOUT MY NEW SKATES. THEY'LL BE HERE THE 1ST OF JUNE! I'M SO EXCITED TO WEAR THEM. they're black with yellow wheels, and they are so pretty!

and this weekend, i get to go down the shore and stay over night!

can art be ugly but still be good?
yes!!!
art is art. it is percieved by the viewer however they want. they can think it is the ugliest thing, but still be the best piece of work they have ever seen. one person's trash is another's treasure.

monochrome got harder...
the oranges were great pictures, but now i can't think of any other fruit besides limes. i know i'm going to base the next book off the waqwaq tree. faces grow off of it along with fruit.

but whooooo knows.
maybe i will work with trees and monochrome. maybe... but that seems dumb to me. and doesn't entirely fascinate me.

what do you do when you feel like the whole world is out to get you?
i'm so excited for summer. i can't wait anymore.

tomorrow i think i'm going to have a hour and a half session of yoga. then half hour of meditation. i think i need it more than anything right now.
and i need to get so much for prom... all i have is the dress! i need to decide on my hair, make up... yadda...yadda...yadda... tomorrow. i'll get all dressed up and see how it looks and if it looks okay...

can a documentary photograph be accepted as truth?
can it? well...no. if a picture is taken of a scene, it can be taken in different ways. a photograph speaks a thousand words. for example, if a photographer went to Iraq right now, and took a picture of an American shooting a gun at a local... it would look bad. especially if there was no story to it. for all we know, is that an American soldier is shooting at an innocent local. it doesn't look good on us.
... ALSO HELLO?! digital manipulation! completely changing the photo to make it look like something else.

i shot some pictures for monochrome... not all of them though.
i shot half film, and half digital. but i still have pictures to take for film.
i'm still trying to think of more pictures and how to take them. i'm not sure if i entirely understand this assignment.

visual journal. assignment seventeen.

free topic!

on saturday i drove down to AC. walked around for awhile, and me being me, forgot my sunblock... like usual! so i got a nice tan line... or burn line. at 6 i went over to the borgata. it's sosososo pretty there! there were glass sculptures everywhere! i loved it. but i wish we had rented a room and stayed over night. that would have been a lot easier and smarter... but too much money.
at 7 we went inside the event center. and waited on line. at 8 we were in the 5th row, waiting eagerly. the opener came on, mewithoutYou. looooovely. they were awesome way to get me pumped. at 9... everyone was chanting. "weezer, weezer, weezer..."then the lights went out and everyone screamed. then brian, scott, pat... and RIVERS came out. they were more than amazing. it was definatly the best show i've ever been to.
then along come sunday... bamboozle. my sunburn only got worse. i felt my skin boiling all day. but it was worth it. i saw the digg, motion city soundtrack, mute math, say anything, minus the bear, matt and kim, okgo, the devil wears prada, and the two best eveeeer... girl talk and weezer (yes, again!) and i was in the front for both girl talk and weezer. the crowds were insane... especially for girl talk. everyone was dancing and quite a few times i felt someone dancing on me... which got very awkward. it was so hot in there. the security threw water on everyone. but it was wonderful. in every way possible. spending time with the best people, and just having fun.
and i'm doing all my homework again for school! i'm completely on track. except with this book art... i feel like it's going to be late no matter what... it's almost done... but it will be late. but i think the quality of it is much more important than getting it in on time, it's something i would keep for a long time.
what else, what else... that's all for now i assume... bye!

everything is going at such a nice pace. nothing is going too fast anymore.
i bombed this marking period. it was terrible... but i guess i'm better now because i am out of this slump i went into. i am doing ALL of my work in prob&stat so i can't get screwed again. horrible class.

i started another book art at home.
it's this old fairytale book. i read it all, so no worries. and it was falling apart, so then it'll keep having use.

i am ready to get back to work!
taking two college classes this summer. nooooot very excited... there goes a part of my summer. no late nights and what-not, but that's okay.
this marking period i really messed up. BUT now that my life is back on track i am ready to:
-study
-go running/get into shape
-learn to cook more
-paint/draw more
-dress nice

one thing can ruin everything.




i'm going to take pictures of my other half over break. and make the best project ever. it wasn't assigned... but it doesnt need to be. it has to be done. i feel like a tool for not working as hard anymore. it's time to start caring again.

visual journal. assignment sixteen.

i shot some more self portraits, but I'm shooting more tonight, so I'm just going to bring t hem all in tomorrow and edit them.
i think they say a lot.
it feels like a Tuesday, so my biological clock is going NUTS.

also, i feel like i am doing bad in school right now. senoritis... it's really hitting hard. problem is, i don't care anymore. i only care that my mom will yell at me and dad will give me a "talk" that will take about 5 hours.
which stinks.
holocaust, human behavior, and prob and stat... all the good classes too! what the heck!

sheesh. but i'm happy! and i don't care!

i can't take all this good feeling! it's overcoming me. i'm drowning in my own happiness.
last night, i came home and i cried. cried and cried and cried and cried. i feel amazing. nothing could possibly bring me down.
everything is going right.

meet my prom dress!
i love it so much.

and these are just to show my momma later cause i forgot my flash-drive at home... gotta love photoshop

i've officially lifted my spirits!
i'm on top of my game this week, everything is getting done, and done perfectly.

the fencing dinner was nice and sweet. everyone had tons of fun... i think. i did, at least. everyone looked so nice being all spiffy. i love seeing people when they look their best. it's adorable.
after i went over a friend's house with a couple friends and played cards and just laughed. it was nice... it's always nice.

tomorrow i get to miss school allllllll day for a lovely photo trip! it's going to be lovely.

there are only a few things i'm SUPER excited for.
bamboozle i'm only going to be at a few hours. i'm only going for 10 bands... and i'm basically positive they will all play around the same time.
the city to see Portugal. the man. uhhhhh, hellooooOOoOoo... can i say anymore?
prom is just going to be fun with friends.
no idea what's up with mdw... but i got invited down the shore... but i have a feeling that's not the kind of memorial day weekend i would enjoy.
GOING TO GEORGIA WITH THE FAB DANA?! that'll just be awesome!
and finally attending the college i have been so excited for... for half a year... excitement!

also, sonic is closed until further notice! we have lost power... meaning we lost all of our food too... and have had a fire... all in one week! how does that happen! my poor manager is always there and always sounds so tired. i feel so bad for him and call him just to cheer him up, only because i think he's getting bored of playing cards and sitting in the dark with no food.
but this is good news and bad news for me... good news is no work! bad news... no money... i guess i have to take the good with the bad though.

...spring starts saturday... i have never been this excited!!!!!!
so saturday i will be buying my prom dress. i hope i find the perfect one! otherwise i'll probably give up. but i'll have roxanne and matty to help guide me to the perfect one.


and it's my mother's birthday! i love you, mommy!

so about them giant jellies...

is it just me... or is this NUTS!?!?!
6 1/2 FEET. 450 POUNDS. now that's a jellyfish!
but they're just viewed as a problem to the locals in japan... but i can see why i guess. there is no real use for them. they can only be used for fish food and snacks... but still! they are so pretty and cool looking!

okay, okay.
i'm all over the place with my moods. i'm back to okay though. it just doesnt seem to have a consistancy. i need to find a balance.

i just fell back into my hole.
i've had two tests so far... which were terrible.
peter made me cry. (he wasn't trying to... it was a joke but it was already a bad day.)
my mom messed up my scholarship papers.
mrs shue isnt there to help me fix them.
i had a terrible lunch.
and my english won't get done because i didnt finish reading the book in one night or finish doing the questions.
screw it ):

i just want to sleep.

ALSO

my bad attitude is gone. my 'i don't care about anything but college' attitude is gone.
i'm so happy!

visual journal. assignment fifteen.

freeeeeeeeeeeee topic.
well for this project, I've STARTED... but hated everything I've done. I'm going to shoot tonight and throughout the weekend to make up for the lost time...
so FAR ...
I'm planning on using water everywhere (pingry pictures really influenced me!)
my basement, which is completely cluttered
my neighbor's yard, which is full of life, but no one keeps it under control (hopefully they won't mind (: )
this lonely street by my house
and a box.

i HOPE they turn out well. I'm not sure how i should dress or look in each, but i suppose I'll wing that with the way i feel and the mood i think each picture should have. a picture speaks a thousand words, right?

and of course molly and misty might show up in a few pictures.... but that MUST be a given.

feeling TONS better... really upset i missed all the sunshine though... it was shorts/dresses, fruit, and running weather... and i basically missed it all.... which is now plainly upsetting.
I'M COMING TO SCHOOL TOMORROW! so jesse can FINALLY stop texting me in the middle of the day saying i suck. )': but i know its cause he misses me:D

butttt i can almost eat real food again(: can't wait to eat humus with pita bread... peaches... pb&j... WHITE CASTLE... helloooooo.
and i cannot wait to start running again.
or dressing nice again.
OR ahhhh anything. my mood is so much better. i am so happy.

i feel like my head is so big and about to roll off my shoulders.

there is a 99.999999999999999999% chance i will not be in school tomorrow. i randomly got the stomach virus after eating peach-os and a twix last night.... i also have managed to resprain my ankle.... aka not a good sunday...
i was supposed to go to church today too...

and! matty was supposed to come over today and make me food and play ps3 with me )': but i don't want him sick.

i shot for photo anyway. i think they came out well. they look nice.

visual journal. assignment fourteen.

some people think photography is not a real art. agree or not and why.

photography is not in the same exact realm as a painting to me, but it is a form of art. to be a good photographer you must be able to capture an image and change it to your own creative feeling. that is what makes you an artist. being able to create something to fit your own ideals.
photography does deserve space in a museum or gallery. for the people who work hard to achieve something, they deserve to be recognized for their work as well.

am i wasting my time

doing things that plainly make me happy? i feel like i should be more productive. all my friends are doing is chilling, playing games, and sleeping. i feel like i should be saving the world or something. i don't know.
OH WELL.

and vasa, i have NO idea what the journal topic was. )':

"Can we walk together?"
"I feel so ashamed..."
"Why? You did it out of love, I assume."
"And what did you do, out of love?"
"I ache... for who we were."

i love laying around all the time now. just spending time alone is so nice. but i just cant wait to disappear from everyone's life in total.

where

are you?

Well for kissing in taxi cabs, romance and resturants; for eating home-made dinners that took me too long; for your dark hair, dark eyes, and all your suprises; for the way that I run and Clark Kent I decided that I want you to be happy with whatever you do. And wherever you are I'll be thinking of you. I'm sorry, I'm an asshole, I said things I don't mean. Thank you for everything, I'll miss you, Lizzy G. And I do.


i just want to know where i'm going and where i'm ending up. that's all.
i'm thinking i'll go to farleigh dickenson. i believe that is in my heart where i want to go and where i am supposed to go. then after i believe i will move to italy. i'll be poor, but happy.

i really need to rearrange my room this weekend. maybe friday night? that might be perfect.

i finally

have something that has a hold on me.
i've never been happier.



....later?
it's true! i had a wonderful day, until work started. now tomorrow will be equally wonderful.
i feel so free. i don't need anything real right now. i'm back to my old self.
and i think i love life again, for a long time i've been dealing, and settling with what i was comfortable with. settling for what i already knew and what i already loved. but i need to be scared. i need to not know what is going to happen and where i'm going to end up. i'm ready for warm weather. i'm ready to fall in love with living. once this cold weather is gone, my heart will be back.

i've been going insane with photography lately. i'm not sure why i haven't developed or uploaded anything. but i'm going to soon enough! mrs. vasa will be so proud(:

continuing on...

everything is right. don't worry, i'm back for good this time.
i don't care about what my parents say, i'm going to farleigh! i have to. it's the place for me right now. i was happy there and i know i will stay happy there.
i had the best break ever, minus a two incidents... but they were both corrected. and everything is amazing. and i am thrilled with everything. the rest of senior year is bound to be amazing.

i've been shooting pictures like crazy all weekend with my camera. i have taken pictures of everything.
and with my project i think i'm going to make something out of it. something about loyalty/friendship, but not cheesy and dorky.

"Give me one friend, just one, who meets all the needs of my varying moods."
it's going to be a good one. my bigger project of the year. it's in my mind and i'm ready to make it. i've started sanding the wood for it at home.

visual journal. assignment thirteen.

if i could photograph any historical event, what event would it be and why?

i would have to say either woodstock or the Nazi's rise to power(not to the point of the killing. just Hitler's rise. probably to the point of the Reichstag.)
woodstock because of the mood. i would have loved to capture the energy, not just the motion. i would want to capture the feelings and emotion that the bands feel while playing, and how the people feel by listening. i would want to capture more than it's mainly remembered for; sex, drugs and rock n'roll.
for Hitler's rise it's more complicated than i can explain. i don't approve of what he did, nor do i look up to him, i just find him facinating. he was so twisted i would want to get pictures of him when he is at his lowest. i would want to capture more pictures than just the famous ones of him looking like a strong dictator. i would want his emotions to show.

febuary fourth

the whole secret of existence is to have no fear. never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. only the moment you reject all help are you freed.

visual journal. assignment twelve.

artist vs. viewers view of the art work.

i feel that the artists work is not supposed to be viewed the same way as the viewer may see it. the artists work comes from their heart and the viewer is supposed to let the artwork speak to them and their own emotions.

so lost.

i have no idea what's going on in my personal life now.
since college is dealt with, i now must deal with everyone in my life. decide what i want.
this is all too complicated.
everything is just spinning.

i cannot wait to take these pictures for photography though. matty is going to look amazing. no one seems to entirely know him, and i can't wait to take pictures of him in the way i see him. i think they'll turn out lovely.
i wanted to take some pictures of katya as well, in a more 1930s aspect, but she's been absent the last two days): feel better katya!
but then i'll be taking pictures of megan figs and her gorgeous curly hair. loooooove it its amazing and beautiful and sngjklshsgkjx.

what i will do for my set up shoot.

i will be shooting matty.
for one set i want to use the usheka(sp?). i will have him wearing white clothes and a white backdrop with his hair and eyes dark.
another time i will shoot him with twinkie(cause they are so cute.)
and i want to shoot megan figaroa with her hair crazy and curly.

i will be using the usheka(sp?) my minolta, and MY NEW CANNON XSI.

visual journal. assignment eleven.

if you could only shoot one thing the rest of your life what would it be and why?
MY POODLE, MISTY, OF COURSE!
why? what kind of question is that?
misty is perfect. she poses, she's pretty, and she's my favorite person out there.

my life as a pathetic fencer... by ariel martin.

WELLWELLWELL, this week is going by too slow. all winter seems to do is make me suffer every year. slowly getting colder and colder... i need the warmth of the sun again. i need to eat fruits on my porch with misty, and hopefully the new puppy.

i wish i could paint like that.

i think i'll make matty start teaching me(:

that too. mmmmm<3333