am i wasting my time

doing things that plainly make me happy? i feel like i should be more productive. all my friends are doing is chilling, playing games, and sleeping. i feel like i should be saving the world or something. i don't know.
OH WELL.

and vasa, i have NO idea what the journal topic was. )':

"Can we walk together?"
"I feel so ashamed..."
"Why? You did it out of love, I assume."
"And what did you do, out of love?"
"I ache... for who we were."

i love laying around all the time now. just spending time alone is so nice. but i just cant wait to disappear from everyone's life in total.

where

are you?

Well for kissing in taxi cabs, romance and resturants; for eating home-made dinners that took me too long; for your dark hair, dark eyes, and all your suprises; for the way that I run and Clark Kent I decided that I want you to be happy with whatever you do. And wherever you are I'll be thinking of you. I'm sorry, I'm an asshole, I said things I don't mean. Thank you for everything, I'll miss you, Lizzy G. And I do.


i just want to know where i'm going and where i'm ending up. that's all.
i'm thinking i'll go to farleigh dickenson. i believe that is in my heart where i want to go and where i am supposed to go. then after i believe i will move to italy. i'll be poor, but happy.

i really need to rearrange my room this weekend. maybe friday night? that might be perfect.

i finally

have something that has a hold on me.
i've never been happier.



....later?
it's true! i had a wonderful day, until work started. now tomorrow will be equally wonderful.
i feel so free. i don't need anything real right now. i'm back to my old self.
and i think i love life again, for a long time i've been dealing, and settling with what i was comfortable with. settling for what i already knew and what i already loved. but i need to be scared. i need to not know what is going to happen and where i'm going to end up. i'm ready for warm weather. i'm ready to fall in love with living. once this cold weather is gone, my heart will be back.

i've been going insane with photography lately. i'm not sure why i haven't developed or uploaded anything. but i'm going to soon enough! mrs. vasa will be so proud(:

continuing on...

everything is right. don't worry, i'm back for good this time.
i don't care about what my parents say, i'm going to farleigh! i have to. it's the place for me right now. i was happy there and i know i will stay happy there.
i had the best break ever, minus a two incidents... but they were both corrected. and everything is amazing. and i am thrilled with everything. the rest of senior year is bound to be amazing.

i've been shooting pictures like crazy all weekend with my camera. i have taken pictures of everything.
and with my project i think i'm going to make something out of it. something about loyalty/friendship, but not cheesy and dorky.

"Give me one friend, just one, who meets all the needs of my varying moods."
it's going to be a good one. my bigger project of the year. it's in my mind and i'm ready to make it. i've started sanding the wood for it at home.

visual journal. assignment thirteen.

if i could photograph any historical event, what event would it be and why?

i would have to say either woodstock or the Nazi's rise to power(not to the point of the killing. just Hitler's rise. probably to the point of the Reichstag.)
woodstock because of the mood. i would have loved to capture the energy, not just the motion. i would want to capture the feelings and emotion that the bands feel while playing, and how the people feel by listening. i would want to capture more than it's mainly remembered for; sex, drugs and rock n'roll.
for Hitler's rise it's more complicated than i can explain. i don't approve of what he did, nor do i look up to him, i just find him facinating. he was so twisted i would want to get pictures of him when he is at his lowest. i would want to capture more pictures than just the famous ones of him looking like a strong dictator. i would want his emotions to show.

febuary fourth

the whole secret of existence is to have no fear. never fear what will become of you, depend on no one. only the moment you reject all help are you freed.

visual journal. assignment twelve.

artist vs. viewers view of the art work.

i feel that the artists work is not supposed to be viewed the same way as the viewer may see it. the artists work comes from their heart and the viewer is supposed to let the artwork speak to them and their own emotions.

so lost.

i have no idea what's going on in my personal life now.
since college is dealt with, i now must deal with everyone in my life. decide what i want.
this is all too complicated.
everything is just spinning.

i cannot wait to take these pictures for photography though. matty is going to look amazing. no one seems to entirely know him, and i can't wait to take pictures of him in the way i see him. i think they'll turn out lovely.
i wanted to take some pictures of katya as well, in a more 1930s aspect, but she's been absent the last two days): feel better katya!
but then i'll be taking pictures of megan figs and her gorgeous curly hair. loooooove it its amazing and beautiful and sngjklshsgkjx.

what i will do for my set up shoot.

i will be shooting matty.
for one set i want to use the usheka(sp?). i will have him wearing white clothes and a white backdrop with his hair and eyes dark.
another time i will shoot him with twinkie(cause they are so cute.)
and i want to shoot megan figaroa with her hair crazy and curly.

i will be using the usheka(sp?) my minolta, and MY NEW CANNON XSI.